What do you do when that happens?
There are a few different ways people handle this. They smile at the parent conspiratorially. They look away, pretend it isn't happening. Or they glare, or maybe even say something to the parent or child to reprimand them.
What will happen when you see kids like mine?
Since my kids were diagnosed with autism I have steeled myself to prepare for the rude comments to come. They are getting older, nearing age 6. Things that used to look like bratty toddler shenanigans are starting to look like flat out rude, unruly children. And while many people recognize things like jumping and flapping and loud outbursts of sound as autism, some truly don't. Other than a few dirty looks as we get in and out of the car parked legally in a handicapped parking spot, I haven't faced anything directly until today.
So what happens next time you go to the mall and the kid in line behind you starts shrieking? Or the the kid at grocery is laying in the aisle yelling that he wants goldfish, or even worse, hits you in the butt by accident with a shopping cart?
I want to ask you a favor. I know I'm asking a lot here. If you know me, you know that I have spent time with people with special needs since I was a teenager. Camp counselor, Special Olympics volunteer, babysitter, nanny, and friend. This population has always been important to me. Now I have graduated to parent of 2 kids with special needs. Whoever you are, if you were ever my friend, I ask you to please, be kind. Think twice before you judge in these situations. Your children will learn kindness from you. Your children will be teenagers with mine. They will become adults together. I may be asking a lot, but from my experience, the benefits are not one sided. There is no doubt my life is richer from the time I have spent with people with special needs.
We were at mall restaurant waiting for a table. Waiting isn't easy for my crew, but they weren't being belligerent, just jumping and flapping, making some noises in an already noisy waiting area. There was a bench with 2 people on it. On one end, a woman, on the other, a man. In the middle was a space. My kids decided to sit there. Lay there. Roll around there. We reined them in a few times. No doubt, we can be a bit of a spectacle, but at no time did we allow them to be rude. By the end of the waiting time, the woman had huffed and puffed and shot dirty looks. She yelled at my son after she got up and my son took her seat in the waiting area. Then when she tried to push her way back into the seat, his legs were spread out and blocked her from sitting. She sat anyway, and then yelled at me that he kicked her. I apologized and told her they were autistic. She continued to yell at me and tell me I was rude. I wasn't very nice about it, I'll admit it. Her intolerance angered me. I felt shame. I felt shame for feeling shame. I thought about the lifetime they have ahead of them surrounded by people like this and I felt scared for them and sad for all of us.
My son moved over to the other side of the bench and hid his head behind the man sitting there. The man smiled at me as I removed my son from the bench.
That was the difference. That smile. The shared look of another parent, who may never have been there but was kind enough to make my family feel like everyone else.
Who will you choose to be?
