What if I have to go to the Bathroom?

We joined the YMCA today. I packed up a big bag with towels, extra clothes, beach shoes, and me and my 3 kids headed over for our first swim.

What’s the first thing that you do when you go to a place like the Y?

You go to the locker rooms. 

My special needs readers already know where I’m going with this. 

My kids are 11, a girl, and twins boys, 9. The boys have autism. They can’t go alone into the boys locker room, and I’m not allowed to bring them into the Women’s locker room. No one of the opposite sex over the age of 9.

Of course this makes sense- girls over the age of 9 don’t want to be naked around boys over the age of 9. It’s uncomfortable for everyone. So what’s a special needs mom to do?

I’ll tell you. 

Before we left, I had the kids put on their suits under their clothing. Then I do the same and make sure to wear easy on/off clothing. 

When we arrive at the pool at the Y, we aren’t allowed to enter the pool through the locker rooms, so I have to wait for an attendant to open the emergency door. We are also not allowed to wear street shoes on the pool deck, so since we can’t change them in the locker room, we change our shoes in the lobby. 

When we get through the emergency door we find a bench and undress in front of everyone, not a big deal, our suits are on beneath our clothes. At this point I allow my daughter a moment of normalcy and she goes to change in the women’s locker room. Our bag stays at the pool because, well, I can’t go in the locker room to lock it up! 

The kids all have a great time in the pool, but it’s almost time to leave and this is the part I dread.

On the pool deck is a small cubicle- basically a handicap bathroom stall with no toilet. The boys and I have to change in there. We climb out of the pool and walk past all the swimmers and onlookers and proceed to wedge ourselves into the cubicle. My daughter goes to the women’s locker room and they boys and I all cram into the stall, dripping wet. I help them out of their wet clothing and dry them off with very little room. I dress them, then I have to undress in front of them. They are less than an arms length away. 

What if they have to go to the bathroom? What if I do? I can’t. I’m used to this though- I was a mom of 3 under 2, a twin Mom and a Mom of disabled kids - I learned very quickly that I just can’t drink a lot during the day because peeing isn’t an option. 

The boys can’t be alone and the bathroom is in the locker room. There is a hall bathroom somewhere on the other side of the building, but that won’t help us now, half naked in a cubicle with other people swimming  right outside the door . So I change in the tiny stall with my boys right there and pack up the bag. Can’t put our shoes on yet, so we walk barefoot to the emergency door and let ourselves out. There we find a bench, I dry their feet and put their shoes on and then do the same for me. My daughter asks me what’s wrong because I’m sure I look frustrated. Why does it have to be so hard? Why can’t we just walk in and use the locker room like everyone else?

As we are leaving the staff asks how we liked the Y. We love it, I say, but what happens if I have to go to the bathroom?

She pauses. Quiet. Realizes that I can’t and doesn’t know what to say.

I guess next time I’ll have to bring my husband.